Elinor vs. Marianne

   Finished S&S last night and can I just take a moment to talk about how hard it is to squeeze in all of this reading? I love reading, don't get me wrong. I have often wished someone would pay me for a year to just read, but having a (sort of) deadline for a year of study creates so much pressure. I won't have gotten nearly as far as I hope to by then, I'm discovering. Marianne was going to read 6 hours a day for a 'twelvemonth.' Six hours! I can barely manage two on a good night because of my various commitments.

Sometimes one has to choose cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming the house and doing the laundry over Austen. Sad, but true.

And there are really three of us involved in this project - me, Austen, and Marianne, and I feel each deserve their due of reading. Which means I really need to start using my sick days at work. Shhh. Don't tell.

But back to Austen. I stayed up until 1 am to finish the book and read the introduction and figure out how I felt about Elinor and Marianne since it's been so many years since I read it.

The study questions in the back of the book ask which would you like to have for a friend?

I'm not sure I would want either one. Elinor doesn't 'share' enough, and Marianne shares too much. Both are exhausting because of (M's famous line) how much they both conceal  - Elinor everything and Marianne nothing. I've had friends who rarely let you into their lives with any intimacy and those friendships never really get off the ground. And I've been Marianne in the past. Those friendships are oppressive.

By the end of the novel, Marianne has swung to the opposite extreme of more reserve, and Elinor hasn't swung far enough. When she bursts into tears after finding out Edward is free, she does so only after running out of the room and putting a door firmly between herself and her family and Edward. Elinor does love her barriers and boundaries.

And which would I/you like to be? Here's Austen's description of both - you decide:

ELINOR: "possessed a strength of understanding and coolness of judgment, which qualified her, though only 19, to be the counsellor of her mother....She had an excellent heart, her disposition was affectionate, and her feelings were strong; but she knew how to govern them."

MARIANNE: "was sensible and clever, but eager in everything; her sorrows, her joys, could have no moderation. She was generous amiable, interesting; she was everything but prudent."

Now, I would almost choose Marianne for that one word: interesting. Elinor is not interesting. Well, she is insofar as one tries to make her out and figure out the puzzle of what's going on with her, but after awhile, once you realize she won't give anything away, you have to give up.

But beyond that? I would throw Marianne's questions about Willoughby back to you about Elinor - what are her interests? Her pursuits? What does she hope for beyond Edward and a peaceful, contented life in the country? She is a smart enough girl to know that one must be happy oneself before one can be happy with another. What makes her happy, just for herself? The security of her self-command or a day well spent in industrious, domestic activities? Boring.

You admire and respect her; you wish to be like her in some ways; but be her friend? Probably not. Or only on the days when you're in the mood to sit quietly and read or sew, or have a very intelligent, reasoned conversation. If you want to raise hell, you call Marianne.

As we all know, the book is clearly another debate (like P&P), here on the merits of reason vs. emotion (head vs. heart), and how this is a shift in attitude from the late 18th to early 19th century, which I'll post about next.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear which you'd choose to be or have for a friend!

Comments

[Highlandtown Hippolyta]

For most of my life, I have been a Marianne. Like her, on days when I've been sick and sad, lonely and full of regret, I've wished that I were an Elinor. Ultimately, the best state is to be a reformed Marianne because then you become... Wait, who do you become? I thinking of a gorgeous older but not out of it woman, full of style and grace, and well respected by all, but occasionally dropping a hint about your adventurous past. The kind of woman who is the life the party and knows exactly when to leave and to trade the spangles for flannel pj's.

[vic]

Marianne is so young in Sense and Sensibility. While she is flighty and overeager to share her feelings about everything, she also demonstrates an ability to learn from her folly. Her discussion with Elinor about Willoughby at the novel's end, and her good sense in recognizing Colonel Brandon's finer qualities and opening herself up to him, tell me that she will become an intriguing woman.

I would choose Marianne. It would be fun to go shopping with her or to have her over to tea or to listen to her on the pianoforte. If I am sick or need mothering, I will call on Elinor.

[Catherine]

If I ever needed to confide something I would want Elinor for my friend. While she may seem boring, she has a strong character. Perhaps she would have allowed the more interesting side of her personality to develop if she had not had to live with the consequences of her mother's and Marianne's excessive sensibilities. Perhaps she felt like she had to stifle her emotions because there was such an abundance of them in her family.

However, with Marianne for a friend there would never be a dull, or a silent, moment. I don't know how much friendship you would experience, though, because she seems so self centered.

[Caralee]

Without a doubt, I choose Elinor. I just don't care for Marianne very much. I think she's silly. And selfish. Not entirely selfish-- she certainly and sincerely loves her family, and shows it-- but (until the end), she really doesn't consider other people's wants and feelings, which isn't a very appealing quality in a friend. And I just can't find the wild, tumultous, groundless romantic idea of love as imagined from books to be as compelling as the quiet but passionately felt kinship of two people who can't be together because their sense of honor can't allow it.

[Barbara]

I like Catherine's comment. Having grown up with a mother and two sisters who were & are 24x7 drama queens, I'm more of an Elinor & happy to be, much as I treasure my Marianne-like friends.

[Ash]

I think I am definitely more like Elinor. I love romance but when I think I'm pretty practical. I consider money and comfort over Marianne; I'm not really a fly by the seat of the pants kind of girl. I really enjoy Marianne's character though, and I get annoyed with Elinor for doing things that I know I would do... which is how I know I am like her haha. They always say what you hate in other people is what you don't like in yourself.

[Raquel]

I could be Elinor's friend but I am entirely Marianne. No moderation!

[C.]

I'm a bit of a combo: I love adventure and can lose myself in imagination, but I never lose my head in real life and am often a go-to girl for my friends. I'd think I'd rather be friends with Ellinor. Yes Marianne would be interesting but in a lot of ways she's incredibly selfish...or rather self-centered (meaning for lots of the novel she doesn't have a concept of the world outside herself). And to me Ellinore is also very interesting! She hides a "grande passion" while keeping her family together. Quiet doesn't translate to boring to me. I think she's the most complex character in the story and I get the opinion that if one were bossom friends with her, one would be surprised at how much she had to share. Who knows what passions or pursuits she has! She's never had the opportunity to explore them, I feel, with a father much, much older than her mother, the mother obviously favoring Marianne and having moments of extreme silliness that Ellinore has to mediate, and a youngest sister who she seems to take the lead in looking after. Her entire life was constrained by the desires of other people. Maybe she liked Edward because he saw and loved her as a complete person instead of merely a service-giver.

[Deb]

I would most definitely choose Elinor. Elinor would be that steadfast, devoted friend you could always count on. I have read Sense and Sensibility more than a few times and each time, I find myself aligned with Elinor! In fact, I usually find that Marianne irritates me to no end! I've often wondered if Miss Austen considers Elinor (and perhaps Anne Elliot) the characters closest to herself?

[Chris]

Thanks, everyone, for your great comments. I see Marianne and Elinor in myself as well - usually the wrong one at the wrong time. And, I agree, Elinor probably is a lovely, warm friend when you get to know her, my issue was taken with Austen for not revealing enough of that side, for making her play so much the stiff, moral part, despite her fairly controlled outburst at the end, and not allowing us to see the fullness of Elinor's character/person.

[Else T.]

I am reading S&S at present but also lunged ahead and watched the film with Kate Winslow as Marianne this past weekend. I have to admit I like both women, but if I had to choose one, I would choose Marianne. It seems like she enjoys life more and her foibles are forgivable as she is young and fairly innocent. Her marriage at the end to an older but deeply loving man who appreciated her AS SHE WAS was really wonderful. To me, that was truly romantic. However, I do have my Elinor moments, especially when dealing with difficult situations. It's so much easier to suck it up and not show someone how I am feeling, and not having to deal with the additional situation of having people react to my feelings is quite helpful at times. It would be nice if we could be Mariannes, but life deems that we be Elinors.

[Pauline]

My sister and I have had this conversation! We agreed that I am more like Elinor and she is similar to Marianne. Marianne's romantic nature almost killed her, which if it did would have been a tragedy for her family. I love how Austen deconstructed Romanticism in Sense and Sensibility by showing how destructive it can be if it is taken to the extreme. I have always related to Elinor as an older sister, who has had to put her own feelings aside at times to be there for others. In the end, her reserve and practicality win when Edward is finally free to propose marriage. Marianne finds solace with Colonel Brandon, but not before suffering near death...I understand heartbreak, but NO ONE is worth all of that torture. So while some may say Elinor is boring, I think women like her fare much better in life than those similar to Marianne.

Thanks for opening this discussion!

[Kit]

I know I'm terribly late in responding, but I've just discovered your inspirational blog (it has me thinking about my own course of study!). I say Elinor. You wrote about Elinor's secret-ness, how she confides in no one -- in whom should she confide? Marianne, her mother, the dreadful Miss Steele? There is no one -- except all of us reading -- to whom she can open her heart. Marianne would be fun to read poetry and Shakespeare with, or go off on a shopping spree, but for long-term friendship, I'll be with Elinor. Katherine Louise (herself the older sister)

[Tera]

Maybe Elinor and Marianne's contrasting characteristics are why they are together in the first place (besides the fact that they are sisters).
I am definitely more of an Elinor, but I like having friends who are like Marianne. They would cheer me up.