Jane Austen vs. Match.com

Okay, here's my clever (I hope) new idea for the new year: dating a la Jane Austen via match.com.

What better way to test out the preferred behavior, character, and values of our favorite heroines (for me: Lizzy, Elinor, and Anne) that captivated their men?  And what better arena than one of (or the) largest dating site on the Internet - arguably the biggest ballroom in the world?!

Let's look at the necessary criteria:

I'm single and available - check.

I'm armed with an arsenal of advice Jane Austen style (see books below) - check.

I've got a healthy sense of humor - check.

I'm willing to make a fool of myself - check.

I'm willing to learn something - check, check, check!

That's what this blog is all about!

Though I consider myself a great catch, I'm an interesting (odd?) mix of come hither and cautious, which makes for some contradiction. I can flirt, but at heart I want someone grounded, centered, not necessarily old-fashioned, but someone with integrity and good manners to go along with his rockin' sense of humor, his smarts, creativity, good heart, and sex appeal. I've really misjudged men in the past and accepted less than I deserved, sometimes ignoring my intuition, which was yelling Run! in favor of being with someone rather than being alone.  Settling for Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right Always. Good grief - who hasn't, right? It's all part of growing up.

But still - ouch.

I took a break for a few years - focused on career and writing, friends, buying a house, and now this blog, but this is too good of an opportunity to pass up.

I've already shared one of the books I'll refer to in the previous post. Here are the other two:

Jane Austen's Guide to Dating by Lauren Henderson, an English girl who doesn't agree with American books on love. Here's what she says in the intro:

"The market is full of books that give bizarre advice--like keeping an egg timer next to your phone so you don't talk to a man for too long, or treating men as if they come from a completely different planet from women. It seems to me that we have completely lost touch with first principles. That's what Jane Austen's Guide to Dating is for--to bring us back to common sense and good judgment. No wonder Jane Austen is still one of the most-read, and best-loved, authors in the world today--let alone one of the most frequently adapted for television and film. Her rules are as relevant today as they always were-maybe even more so. More than ever, we need a good injection of common sense, and Jane Austen is exactly the person who will give it to us."

Oh yes, please.

The next book is Dating Mr. Darcy by Sarah Arthur

There's a healthy dose of God and religion in this book that doesn't jive with me (an ex-Catholic and therefore a classic 'spiritual not religious' person), so I'm just overlooking it, despite the quotes from the Ephesians and Genesis.

This book is about assessing the DP (Darcy Potential) of the men you meet, setting up a Creep Detection System (CDS), and assessing your own EP (Elizabeth Potential), which all sounds rather fun. The book is about learning from Elizabeth's character and experience:

"Dating Mr. Darcy is meant to be an enjoyable romp through the land of romance, a romp in which we keep our heads on straight. We have much to learn from Elizabeth Bennet about the crucial importance of all our relationships and how they influence, for better or worse, our romantic attachments."

For Arthur, that means examining your relationships with your friends, family, and faith, and learning how to judge the character of the man/men you are dating along the same criteria.

I'm game!

What I'm discovering about these books already is that they are all about knowing, and being true to, yourself. I do know this, but could use a tune up. They are NOT not about having some unrealistic, romantic vision of a Darcy-esque white knight rescuing you from your life and making everything better and brighter.

Can I get an Amen!

So, dear Reader, we're off to test these principles in the wilds of the dating world and see what happens. See if we can keep our heads and make Jane proud.

It could be cool. It could be a disaster. We'll laugh, cry, eat a lot of chocolate, have some - okay many -  (perhaps uncomfortable) epiphanies, make good and bad decisions, learn from our mistakes. Maybe meet our Him.

Here's a quote from Jane to get us started:

To you I shall say, as I have often said before, Do not be in a hurry, the right man will come at last; you will in the course of the next two or three years meet with somebody more generally unexceptionable than anyone you have yet known, who will love you as warmly as possible, and who will so completely attach you that you will feel you never really loved before.  (from a letter to her niece, 1817)

Ready?

Comments

[Lisa]

Oh my. I shall be very curious to see how this goes. My first thoughts are that you are far too charming and intelligent to meet anyone of equitable quality on "that site." This is fascinating!

[Laurel Ann]

Best of luck Chris. I am rooting for you. I enjoyed both of the Jane on dating books that you mentioned, but you might want to check out one of my favorites from the male perspective. It's called "Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry" by Simon Oaks. Not only is it astute and funny, it made me realize what I had done wrong in the past and understand myself more clearly. If Jane Austen were a alive and a modern girl in the dating world, she would appreciate his acerbic wit and honest insights. It is interesting to see that the dating game is still as complicated today as in Regency times. I take that back. It is more complicated NOW.

Good luck, LA

[Chris S.]

Thanks for the support ladies! And I will get that book as well, Laurel, I appreciate the suggestion. This should be a very interesting social experiment.

[Holly]

Would love to hear an update on experience to date?

[Rachel]

This is so fantastic! Good luck! I admit that I have a mild to an excessive obsession with Jane Austen and this would be right up my alley. BEST OF LUCK!

[Rachel]

Oh...and one more thing...Some fantastic books to read are:
Austenland by Shannon Hale
Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter

Both are about single women in current times and their love of Jane Austen and balancing their love with real love in the real world.

[Chris]

Hi Rachel - thanks for the best wishes. I've read both of those books and really enjoyed them. Especially Austenland. I wrote Shannon Hale a fan letter because it had been such a long time since a book really thrilled me and was a fun read (and I was reading through the Booker and Orange Prizes at the time - not thrilling in the least)!