Gentlemanly Conduct in the Presence of Ladies and Don't Suck on Your Parasol!

From the Mass Historia website (regarding behavior of the American gentleman):

http://walternelson.com/dr/node/185

Much more great info there - check it out!

"Chesterfield says, 'Civility is particularly due to all women; and, remember, that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours; nay, even a little is allowable with women; and a man may, without weakness, tell a woman she is either handsomer or wiser than she is'"
Martine's Handbook, 1866

"When entering a crowded streetcar, a lady should leave the door open. It is quite permissible for her to appropriate the seat of the man who gets up to close it"
The Cynic's Rules of Conduct, 1905

"A gentleman will assist a lady over a bad crossing, or from an omnibus or carriage, without waiting for the formality of an introduction. When the service is performed, he will raise his hat, bow and pass on."
Hill's Forms, 1873

"In passing through a door, the gentleman holds it open for the lady, even though he never saw her before. he also precedes the lady in ascending stairs, and allows her to precede him in descending."
Polite Society at Home and Abroad, 1891

"Do not press before a lady at a theater or a concert. Always yield to her, if practicable, your seat and place. Do no sit when she is standing, without offering her your place. Consult not only your own ease, but also the comfort of those around you."
Martine's Handbook, 1866

"It is not deemed polite and respectful to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they are amiable enough to permit it."
Martine's Handbook, 1866

"If you meet a lady of your acquaintance in the street, it is her part to notice you first, unless, indeed you are very intimate. The reason is, if you bow to a lady first, she may not choose to acknowledge you, and there is no remedy; but if she bow to you--you as a gentleman cannot cut her."
Hints on Etiquette, 1836

"A gentleman removes his hat when entering a room where there are ladies. When he meets a lady friend, he should raise his hat gracefully..."
Polite Society at Home and Abroad, 1891

Should one demand the surrender of a seat to a lady in a crowded theater?
"To this, we would answer that, if the gallantry of the gentlemen thus situated does not prompt them to proffer the seats in question, it is rudeness to request it. A lady is a lady, it is true; but if she could not come early enough to get a good seat, she cannot expect that spectators who did should inconvenience themselves for her sake"
Gody's Ladies Book, Jan 1850

"...remember also that really well bred women will not thank you for making them conspicuous by over officiousness in their defense, unless, indeed, there be any serious or glaring violation of decorum. In small matters, ladies are both able and willing to take care of themselves, and would prefer being allowed to overwhelm the unlucky offender in their own way"

Regarding women's basic conduct: my initial search showed a great deal of information on how to lift one's skirts to cross the street (what hand to use - never both! - how high to raise them). Also how to wrestle with one's skirts when sitting, rising, crossing one's legs....My goodness! I suspect the bulk of etiquette will be with regard to paying calls, dancing, dining, etc.

And this surprising, but oh so helpful tip: "Ladies should never suck on the handles of their parasols."

There, I've saved you from much embarrassment. It's time to break that bad habit of yours.

Here's more fun info:

19th Century Etiquette - brief list

Comments

[Barbara]

Thanks for these helpful hints, Chris. I like the idea of overwhelming the offender in my own way (heh, heh). I think your review & redefinition of your purpose was a smart move. Here's hoping you win that fellowship!

[Jordan 1]

Just wanted to say that you have some awesome content on your website. If it's OK I would like to use some of the information you provided on my webiste. If I link back to your website would it be OK to do so?

[Chris S.]

Hi Jordan - Thanks! I don't mind if you use the content and link back, just so long as it isn't something I wrote, personally. Something I shared from another source is fine (best to link to my site and the source, just in case).

If it's something I wrote personally, please either summarize a comment you liked and link back to the post, or use a brief quote and link back.

I appreciate you asking. I think most people just copy and don't care. :)

Chris

[coach bags 2011]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this a better day. My tummy hurts from laughing so hard.